Sunday, Aug 31st, 2008 -- This is a great day to plant the seeds of your intentions, for yesterday's New Moon rendered your imagination into fertile ground for singing and talking about new ideas. But don't worry if your friends think you are crazy, for you don't feel constrained by the same rules as everyone else. Give yourself permission to dance to the beat of a different drummer.
----
As I try to kickstart my life, I am encouraged by signs everywhere. Today I meet with friends to make some music.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Confessions
The apartment is stuffy, full of weather, full of dust and stacks of paper and unmentionables.
The house is full of lonely people and I manage this house. I am the captain of a lonely house.
It's a funny occupation. All of it.
The house is full of lonely people and I manage this house. I am the captain of a lonely house.
It's a funny occupation. All of it.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Sentiment and a Grocery Bag of Books
Among the gifts I received this year--cards, earrings, homemade carrot cake and a 2008 Olympics mascot doo-dad--was a Trader Joe's bag full of second-hand books left in front of my apartment door. The note was to me, but did not say whom they were from, though I had my suspicions.
Where I grew up there was high value for the do-it-yourself, do-it-cheap, fast and fun. Mixed tapes, zines, covert postering, skinny dips and thrift store shopping were the things we made and did. A crush giving me a cheap plastic bracelet from a vending machine on an otherwise insignificant day was more meaningful then a red rose on Valentines. It's a sensibility you'd think you might grow out of, but I haven't yet. How else could I explain all the scraps of paper filling shoes boxes, along with rocks from beach walks, anchor buttons and broken charms?
This brooding Ph.D. student has brought me books before. Usually at my desk at work where I am a Secretary. He's brought foreign magazines with pictures of punk rock couples, paperbacks of Barthes, print outs of Gothic texts from subscription sites. He's lent me Scott Walker and Mogwi CD's and the heart breaking movie soundtracks by German composers. I've always appreciated the gesture, which to me seems highly curated, first from his particular taste in culture, secondly from what he gleans of me and perhaps his belief in my openness. He might be wrong on that score.
Piecing together the elements I can imagine how I might appear to him. Though the pieces likely better describe him. They are sad and dark and hunting for melancholy beauty.
It surprises me what people might see in me. I am reinvented by everyone I meet, despite my effort to appear one way or another.
Where I grew up there was high value for the do-it-yourself, do-it-cheap, fast and fun. Mixed tapes, zines, covert postering, skinny dips and thrift store shopping were the things we made and did. A crush giving me a cheap plastic bracelet from a vending machine on an otherwise insignificant day was more meaningful then a red rose on Valentines. It's a sensibility you'd think you might grow out of, but I haven't yet. How else could I explain all the scraps of paper filling shoes boxes, along with rocks from beach walks, anchor buttons and broken charms?
This brooding Ph.D. student has brought me books before. Usually at my desk at work where I am a Secretary. He's brought foreign magazines with pictures of punk rock couples, paperbacks of Barthes, print outs of Gothic texts from subscription sites. He's lent me Scott Walker and Mogwi CD's and the heart breaking movie soundtracks by German composers. I've always appreciated the gesture, which to me seems highly curated, first from his particular taste in culture, secondly from what he gleans of me and perhaps his belief in my openness. He might be wrong on that score.
Piecing together the elements I can imagine how I might appear to him. Though the pieces likely better describe him. They are sad and dark and hunting for melancholy beauty.
It surprises me what people might see in me. I am reinvented by everyone I meet, despite my effort to appear one way or another.
Monday, August 25, 2008
"Vitals" Legend
One aspect of the project is checking my vitals. I thought of four aspects that would give a comprehensive status check.
Heart - The love and feeling you have towards others
Head - Clarity, Comprehension, Spark, Frenetic Wrangling, etc.
Spirit - The way I'm feeling about myself
Engagement - Simply how much I have reached out to someone and said yes
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Introduction and Ground Rules
Thirty-one is not one of those ages. It’s not 16, 21 or even 30. Because 31 lacks the endowment of certain expectations I am allowed a kind of freedom. The freedom to embrace 365 days with all options on the table.
A few ground rules are necessary to give some shape to this venture. These are the few essentials that are not subject to revision. All else is allowed to occur organically, to be ridden like waves, but with the intention that engagement with people and with life is the ultimate goal.
Learn to sing.
Learn to dance.
The bare minimum of Evidence: A written piece each day. And a photograph.
Visit 12 places I've never been to before.
A statement on approach: I must seek and ask for help whenever possible--the idea is to collaborate, to engage. Make creative acts public when possible. And those privately created projects must make their way to the public or be tossed out.
I’ve got a year to do it. A year to see what a year can bring.
A few ground rules are necessary to give some shape to this venture. These are the few essentials that are not subject to revision. All else is allowed to occur organically, to be ridden like waves, but with the intention that engagement with people and with life is the ultimate goal.
Learn to sing.
Learn to dance.
The bare minimum of Evidence: A written piece each day. And a photograph.
Visit 12 places I've never been to before.
A statement on approach: I must seek and ask for help whenever possible--the idea is to collaborate, to engage. Make creative acts public when possible. And those privately created projects must make their way to the public or be tossed out.
I’ve got a year to do it. A year to see what a year can bring.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
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